Both unbeaten teams fall, Band Aids shock Tirades and (gasp!) Invaiders score 94 points as both divisions have a three-way tie at the top
Lamar Jackson led the Band Aids to a 94-77 win over the Tirades and into a first-place tie.
It was a wild, wild Week 4 in the JSFL as both unbeaten teams were knocked off in stunning fashion and the ST Division is (almost) back to square one. Both divisions have a three-way lead at the top.
The previously-unbeaten leaders in the Silent Division both saw their first defeat last weekend as the suddenly impotent Rangers were defeated by the previously winless Gerbils and WTNE, which also went into the weekend with a 3-0 record, was humbled by an Invaiders team that somehow threatened to score 100 points (but ended up with 94). The Recliners' win over Who Dey moved them into a tie for the division lead.
Over in the Shit Talkers Division, the Tirades and Who Dey both were handed losses that drop them to 2-2 on the season, though they still share the division lead with the Band Aids.
And this week, expect more fireworks as the dreaded Bye Weeks have begun. But first, here's a look back at Week 4 results.
BEATERS 103, PACKERS 90: Commissioner Jeff Lambert's team has started 0-4 for the only the second time in modern (ESPN era) JSFL history. Digging into the Packers history we found that they have had one worse start to a season, in 2011 when they opened 0-5 and finally got off the shnide with a 66-65 win over the Invaiders in Week 6 and then won 5 of their last 8. Matt Pringle handed Jeff this latest and rare indignity last weekend thanks mostly to his first-round draft pick, Derrick Henry, who ran roughshod over the Buffalo Bills en route to 32 points with 199 yards and a Ravens' record 87-yard TD run. RBs Brian Robinson and Tony Pollard combined for 33 more. Three running backs combined for almost a third of the team's total points... do I sense a recurring theme here? The Pack was kept in this one by QB Baker Mayfield, who had 28, and WRs Dionte "I Shoulda Been a Tirade" Johnson and Ja'Marr Chase, who each had 14. The Spread Beaters improved to 2-2 with the win. On the Bench: The Pack would have come close to winning this with K Younghoe Koo (20 points) in there over Blake Grupe (7). But that was the only help available. Kenneth Walker III would have given the Beaters an extra 27 if he'd started at Flex instead of De'Von Achane and Jayden Reed (19) outscored both starting WRs by 5.
BAND AIDS 94, TIRADES 77: This one was decided by QBs playing head-to-head in real life on Sunday night. Bob Garcia had Lamar Jackson going up against the Tirades' Josh Allen on Sunday Night Football and the Ravens QB dominated, outscoring Allen 24-8. Allen has now scored 61 points in odd weeks (Weeks 1 and 3) and 17 points in even weeks (Weeks 2 and 4). It's not a coincidence that the Tirades (2-2) have lost both even-week games. Losing free-agent WR Diontae Johnson (14 points for the Packers) to a computer clock glitch didn't help Tirades owner Ron Hender either, as he again was let down by his WR corps. Deebo Samuel came back from injury, but only scored 6 and Free Agent Pickup of the Week Rome Odunze could only manage a single point. Add to that the team's impotence at TE (Kyle Pitts posted a donut. Again.) and you have the ingredients for a loss. The Band Aids, who moved into a three-way tie for the ST Division lead at 2-2, saw RBs James Conner and Chuba Hubbard combine for 33 in the win and Amon-Ra St. Brown iced it with 14 on Monday Night Football. On the Bench: The Band Aids could have added 5 points starting Terry McLaurin over Khalil Shakir at WR. The Tirades could have added 8 with (Go Niners!) kicker Jake Moody over Harrison Butker and added many points with any of the other free agent WRs they could have added instead of most of the stiffs they have on the fucking roster.
INVAIDERS 94, WTNE 80: Vern Ahrendes managed to win this one the way Costco succeeds, with bulk. Six players scored in double figures, none with more than 16 points, as the Invaiders (2-2) handed Jordan Garcia and his WTNE (3-1) their first loss of the season. QB Dak Prescott and RB Jonathan Taylor both had 16 for the Invaiders and WRs Cee Dee Lamb and Malik Naybers added 26 more. QB Jayden Daniels led WTNE with 23 and Alvin Kamara added 17. On the Bench: Vern could have added another 7 by playing another fucking Plowboy (Rico Dowdle) at Flex, or 8 if he'd started Stefon Diggs. But we think four Plowboys in your starting lineup is just asking for trouble anyway. Losing WR Rashee Rice to a torn ACL (zero points) is going to hurt WTNE long term, but there was no help on the bench as neither Tank Dell nor Puka Nacua is available due to injury. Jordan was so desperate he started Cam Akers (5 points) at Flex. He still hasn't made a move to replace Rice, either, so expect something there soon.... he's got to cut somebody or make a trade.
GERBILS 92, RANGERS 79: Also handed a loss for the first time this season was Jordan's father-in-law, John Lambert and his Rangers (3-1) and he suffered that indignity at the hands of the previously winless Gerbils (1-3) and Chuck Nelson, who rode QB Sam Darnold's 21 points and 22 more from the (Go Niners!) San Francisco defense, who got a pick-six from LB Fred Warner. Jahmyr Gibbs added 19 on Monday night. WR Nico Collins led the Rangers with 21 and QB Jalen Hurts had 17, but Lambert was disappointed by RB Breece Hall, who managed only a single point. On the Bench: Chuck could have topped the century mark had he started RB Chase Brown (22) over Josh Jacobs (7) or at Flex (Rashid Shaheed, 8). Kicker Josh Karty (14) would have added 8 more over Cameron Dicker. There's nothing John had left on the bench that would have won this. Mike Evans had 15 (Starter DJ Moore had 8) and George Kittle was questionable but started and scored 10, four more that Dallas Goedert.
RECLINERS 81, WHO DEY 78: I am not sure who is more disappointed with the Atlanta Falcons lack of passing attack, Who Dey owner Matt McCumber (he has QB Kirk Cousins, who scored a whopping 7) or myself with his supposed top target, TE Kyle "I'm The" Pitts (Zero points. Again.) Anyway, we're both pissed. Chris Zimnoch, on the other hand, is pretty happy with his choice at QB, though, as CJ Stroud scored a team-high 22 to lead the Recliners (3-1) who moved into a three-way tie for the lead in the Silent Division. WRs Marvin Harrison Jr. and Courtland Sutton combined for 22 more. D'Andre Swift, who apparently thinks it is still 2019, scored 22 for Who Dey. On the Bench: Matty left Packers QB Jordan Love, back from a knee injury, on the bench and it cost him 20 points and the win. WR Jameson Williams' 14 was left on the bench in favor of Chris Olave (8). The Recliners started their best possible lineup, leaving nothing on the bench.
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