No one was strirring, at least not yet, because not a single one of the four playoff teams have anyone going in the Thursday night game
Yes, Virginia, it does appear that Santa Claus is a diehard 49ers fan. Happy holidays from the JSFL Today staff.
'Twas the night before the playoffs, when all through the JSFL
Not a creature was stirring, not even one of Jeff’s horses.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Ho soon would be there.
Team owners were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a trophy and C notes danced in their heads;
And Colleen in her ‘kerchief, and Jeff in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Jeff sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to Jeff’s wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny race horses from Del Mar,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
Jeff knew in a moment it must be St. Ho.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Pure Speight! Now, Gangly! Now, Kentucky Pride and Oh Zuzanna!
On, Super Fix! On Hawk of War! On Our Independence and Avenida Manaña!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now, dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Ho, too.
And then, in a twinkling, Jeff heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As he drew in his hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Ho came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys and Del Mar betting tickets he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And Jeff laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Jeff to know he had nothing to dread;
St. Ho spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a node, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But Jeff heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
Never bet the third race at Del Mar, or the Blazing Saddles, and to all a good night!
Playoff Semifinals
We finally made it. Sorry for the holiday ramble. I was inspired after seeing a holiday concert. We have reached the Final Four, as banged up and bruised as we have ever been before. Every team in the mix has huge question marks hanging over who will suit up this week, or, if at all, for the rest of the regular NFL season.
Our top two seeds, the Recliners and the Blazing Saddles, had crippling injuries in the final weeks of the regular season. Blayze lost RB Jonathan Taylor for the year with a bum ankle, and Chris Zimnoch will wait to see if the questionable Lamar Jackson can finally answer the bell after being sidelined the last two weeks.
Their opponents – the Spread Beaters and the who-knows-what-will-show-up Tirades – also have major injuries to deal with. The Spread Beaters may have lost Jalen Hurts with a bum shoulder and the Tirades have recovered from the loss of Cooper Kupp and now have to deal with the ever-impossible-to-predict Miles Sanders.
The playoffs kickoff Thursday with Jacksonville visiting the New York Jets. The semifinals continue and may be decided early Saturday with a nearly full slate of NFL games — Detroit at Carolina, Buffalo at Chicago, Atlanta at Baltimore, New Orleans at Cleveland, the Commanders at San Francisco, Seattle at Kansas City, Cincinnati at New England, and the Giants at Minnesota. Philadelphia visits Dallas in the national afternoon game. And, the Raiders visit Pittsburgh Saturday night.
A few games are scheduled Sunday and the Chargers visit the Colts to close out the action Monday night.
Winners this week advance to the Super Bowl next week. The Super Bowl winner gets his name etched onto the trophy that Vern apparently still has and gets a shower of C notes at next August’s draft. Let’s dive in and try to forecast who might advance to the Big Dance.
Tirades (-14) vs. Recliners: Editor’s note: Since I have skin riding on the outcome of this game, I am really going to lay it on thick. The Tirades are looking for some revenge in this one. The one time they tangled this year, Chris’ boys triumphed, 100-89. It appears the Recliners are going with Jared Goff at QB, unless good news surfaces about Lamar Jackson before kickoff Saturday morning. Wednesday practice reports will be crucial to see if Lamar is good to go. Baltimore may need him to play to keep playoff hopes alive. At press time, the Tirades appear to have matchup advantages with Patrick Mahomes at home to the porous Seattle defense and RB Dalvin Cook against the Giants. (You had me at Seattle defense. But on the road is even better.) At press time, Miles Sanders was still the announced starter at RB2 for the Tirades. The Recliners have a slight edge with Tony Pollard and Tyreek Hill but the balance of the current lineups looks good for Ron. Oh, boy. There is the kiss of death.
If Hender wins this week, his “provisional” pick for the Invalids trading him TE Travis Kelce improves from a 7th-rounder to a 5th. If he wins the title, it improves to a 3rd-rounder. Go Tirades! The Recliners are just too banged up and punchless without Lamar calling the signals to advance. We hope we don’t have to listen to Ron fretting about Mike Williams having to perform on Monday night night to pull this one out. Take the Tirades and 9.
Spread Beaters (7) vs. Blazing Saddles: Editor’s note: Since Blayze hosed me out of the No. 1 pick next season with his pathetic performance against me last week, I am really going to lay it on thick. Just beat the crap out of him, Matt. Beat him like a drum. OK, I got that out of my system. I feel better now. This semifinal looks a lot closer on paper than the other half of the draw. Matt Pringle is still spitting nails about losing by a point in their previous matchup, 85-84. The Eagles QB is still penciled in as the starter for Matt’s Spread Beaters. If Hurts can’t answer the bell Saturday afternoon, either Washington State gunslinger Gardner Minshew gets the nod as Hurts’ backup or Pringle will need to insert Giants QB Daniel Jones into the lineup Saturday morning at Minnesota. The Saddles answered the “What do we do without Jonathan Taylor?” question by inking J.K. Dobbins (still carrying a “questionable” tag as of Wednesday) of Baltimore to a two-week contract. Blayze looks to have the edge at QB with either the Chargers (Justin Herbert) or Miami (Tua), but Pringle has the edge at both RB positions (Derrick Henry and Kenneth Walker III, who is still listed as questionable as of this writing) and one of the WR spots (A.J. Brown). The Spread Beaters have been the more consistent scoring teams all season and now is not the time to jump off of the gravy train. As was said by St. Ho in the story above, “Never bet the third race at Del Mar, or the Blazing Saddles." Spread Beaters by 3.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
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