Band Aids, Packers get first wins, Invalids stun Saddles, Beaters put the bite on Pillows
Mark Andrews rips the ball away from a New England defender en route to a 20-point game.
Two teams managers to win this week despite scoring only 71 points. Another team scored 71 and got blown out. Such is the luck of the schedule in the JSFL. The two remaining winless teams would have won in almost any matchup, however. Here's a look at Week 3...
Band Aids 89, Rangers 47: We got exactly what was expected here. We shall no longer make fun of Bob Garcia's first-round pick of TE Mark Andrews... he led the team with 20 points, stealing the ball away from defenders in the process. The Band Aids got 18 from QB Kirk Cousins, 19 more from the RB combo of Najee Harris and Clyde Edwards-Helaire and 10 from K Daniel Carlson. QB Matt Stafford's pathetic 9 points, and 9 more from WR Davante Adams, led the Rangers.
Recliners 71, Gerbils 40: It's getting to be a broken record at Chris Zimnoch's place: Let Lamar Jackson and Saquon Barkley loose and enjoy the carnage. Jackson went off for 38 points and Barkley added 18 more as the Recliners improved to 3-0 and are the only remaining unbeaten team (jinx!). That's despite what might be a record low score posted by a defense (the Chargers threw up a -7). QB Joe Burrow had 23, RB Christian McCaffrey and WR Jaylen Waddle had 10 each for Chuck Nelson's Gerbils, but the rest of the team seemingly remained asleep in the Habitrail Dome.
Invalids 71, Saddles 68: The game of the week turned out to be kind of a clunker of the week, but the defending champions prevailed to remain a game behind the Recliners in the Silent Division race. The Saddles, expected to ride their RB duo of Jonathan Taylor and Aaron Jones to victory in this one, were sorely disappointed. Taylor had 9 and Jones scored just 3. While the Saddles did get a surprise 12 from DK Metcalf (remember him?) and 16 more from the Broncos defense (thanks, Jimmy "Safety First" Garoppolo), and a 12 from kicker Younghoe Koo, it was not enough. Cooper Fucking Kupp and Drake London combined for 23 out of the WR position, Cam Akers (remember him?) resurfaced for 11 and Travis Kelce scored 13.
Packers 91, Tirades 71: Josh Allen scored 27 and RB Dameon Pirece scored 16 in his first JSFL start as the Packers demolished the pathetic Tirades for their first win of 2022. The Bengals defense added another 16 and Josh Jacobs ran for 9. Dalvin Cook, the only Tirades starter to not underperform Sunday, scored 14 but had to leave the game with an injury. The rest of the Tirades lineup did not have as good an excuse for not scoring worth a shit. TE Kyle Pitts (remember him?) made his first real appearance of the season, scoring 8.
Beaters 96, Pillows 84: Matt Pringle's team just goes out there and scores 90 points a game, and most of the time that's enough -- as it was in this case. Jalen Hurts scored 27, RB Derrick Henry rolled to 19 and WR AJ Brown added 14. The Eagles defense -- and when your defense is your leading scorer, that's not typically a great thing -- led the Pillows with 18. RB Nick Chubb added 17.
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