Chris Zimnoch's comfortable seating group hands Vern Ahrendes first loss in two months; Spread Beaters take over first in Shhhh Division
OK, sing it with me (to the tune of “Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead” from “The Wizard of Oz”):
“Ding, Dong, the streak is dead, the wicked streak, the wicked streak. Ding, Dong, the wicked streak is dead.”
The Recliners have the honor of ending the Bataan Death March of grief as Chris’ boys bitch-slapped the Invaiders, handing the long-time losers their first loss in two months.
The NFC East dominance last week, in a week filled with stinker games, spurred the Recliners’ win. The deadly combo of Dallas re-finding its offense, Washington surprising Tampa Bay, and Philly putting the wood to Denver accounted for 57 of the 104 points Chris scored Sunday – easily leaving the Invaiders in their streak-filled ruins.
Combine that with the absolute stinkers posted by the Seattle, Baltimore and Atlanta offenses last week, and scores across the league suffered again. Any team scoring 70 points was likely going to get a win.
And for those near .500 fighting for that fourth and final playoff spot, don’t look now but if Chris can complete the Silent Division two-peat this week, and take down the other first-place team in the division (the Spread Beaters), he does not face another team with a winning record until he closes the regular season Week 15 against the Blazing Saddles. Uh-oh.
Meanwhile, the new “longest” winning streak is now owned by those sneaky Spread Beaters, winners of 5 of in a row, and have been stealthily creeping up the standings in the wake of the tumult caused by the “He Who Must Not be Named” streak.
“Watch out for those Spread Beaters,” Vern said. “They have been flying under the radar now for 5 weeks. That is the team you need to be worried about.”
To which every other manager in the league replied, “Shut up, Vern. We can read the predictor bar on the league's ESPN home page.”
Injury updates – Two more big stars went down last week. WR Robert Woods (formerly a Spread Beater dropped Saturday to free agency) will be out for the rest of the season after tearing an ACL in practice on Friday. In Sunday’s action, RB Aaron Jones (Pack) suffered a leg injury and is expected to miss at least one and maybe as many as three games.
Topping the list of Week 11 matchups, those Recliners and Spread Beaters will highlight the action. The son-in-law will take on pops in the other featured game as the Band Aids travel to the Saddles. Elsewhere, the Packers take on the Gerbils, the Tirades have their second of three meetings with the Invaiders, and the Rangers and Consortium do battle.
Ezekiel Elliott returned to form with two TDs for the Rscliners on Sunday.
Recliners 104, Invaiders 61: This one was over early – the first half of the Dallas romp at Atlanta, in fact. Ezekiel Elliott scored twice, the Dallas defense mauled Atlanta – holding the Falcons to just one field goal – and recovered a blocked punt in the end zone for a touchdown. The Dallas D put up a game-high 21 points. Zeke racked up 18 and DeVonta Smith, going wild in the rout of Denver, added 18 more. The win improved the Recliners to 4-6, and vaults them into a four-way tie for fifth place with the Pack, Band Aids, and Rangers, but the strength of schedule edge looks to be in Chris’ favor after this week’s matchup. Cooper Kupp and the Buffalo defense led the Invaders with 12 and Austin Ekeler added 11.
“I am glad the ‘streak’ is over,” Vern said midway through the Dallas game. “It is a load off of my weary mind. And, if I saw any more Band Aid protesters outside of the Pismo Coliseum holding up, “We should be No. 1” signs, I was going to puke. Just check out the scoreboard, Bob. You need to worry more about Chris and the Recliners than you do me.”
Stefon Diggs torched the Jets for 22 points Sunday, leading the Spread Beaters to the win.
Spread Beaters 69, Pillow Biters 55: Matt Pringle’s boys won their fifth straight game with an outstanding 22-point effort from Stephon Diggs. He torched the Jets’ secondary with eight catches for 162 yards and a touchdown. It was the first big game he has had since Week 6. Lamar Jackson struggled Thursday and scored only 14 and Michael Evans added 12. But he didn’t need any more than that. “I’m just trying to save some points for when I play the Recliners and Invaiders,” Pringle said. The Consortium struggled, again, to score. The New Orleans QBs racked up 23, RBs De’Andre Swift and Michael Carter both added 13. His two starting WRs combined for four points. The loss drops Huey to 3-7 and leaves him at one of the first likely to cash in and start trading players for 2022 draft picks in advance of the December 3 trade deadline.
Pat Mahomes scored they way he's expected to and the Tirades season was saved (for now).
Tirades 99, Band Aids 65: The ugly four-game losing streak is finally over for Ron. The Tirades improved to .500 with this win over long-time rival Garcia. More importantly, the Tirades kept pace with the 7-3 Blazing Saddles and sit alone in second place in the ST Division. Patrick Mahomes finally had a Patrick-Mahomes-like performance, justifying that first-round pick with an eye-popping 36 points Sunday against the Raiders. The Miami defense romped in an 18-point Thursday night embarrassment of the Baltimore Ravens. Dalvin Cook rounded out the leading scorers with 17 points. The Band Aids struggled to find any firepower. Ceedee Lamb led the way with 22 points but then scoring was few and far between. Mark Andrews added 12 and James Conner struggled to score 11 in the blowout loss to Carolina.
If Mahomes had a good game, it's a safe bet so did Tyreek Hill, much to the Rangers delight
Rangers 92, Packers 91: The Arizona brother got the edge in this one and had to sweat out the final minutes of the Monday Night game as 49ers WR Deebo Samuel had himself an eye-popping game. The Rangers moved into that aforementioned four-way tie for fifth place, one game back of the Tirades, in the chase for the fourth and final playoff spot. As Patrick Mahomes torched the Raiders Sunday night, Tyreek Hill was on the receiving end of a lot of that damage as he scored a team-high 20 points. Newly acquired Mark Ingram II scored once for 16 points and WR Justin Jefferson hauled in a TD for 14 points. Deebo hit paydirt twice for The Pack, rushing one in along with 36 yards and catching one and amassing 97 yards on the evening. Special teams led The Pack in scoring Sunday … never a good sign. Josh Allen returned to his top-tier form with 20 and was followed by 17 from the Green Bay defense, which handed Russell Wilson his first shutout in his professional career. Minnesota kicker Greg Joseph added 10.
As expected, Johnathan Taylor led the Saddles to an easy win over the Gerbs.
Saddles 76, Gerbils 53: Jonathan Taylor rumbled for a TD and 18 points and Jalen Hurts added 18 more to lead this win. Najee Harris added 12. The Gerbils fell to 3-7 as only two players scored in double digits. Ryan Tannehill scored a team-high 18 and Christian "Welcome Back" McCaffrey added 15.
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