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Writer's pictureRon Hender

Playoff teams: They are who we thought they were

Updated: Dec 26, 2023

Band Aids are the top seed and face Packers; Beaters battle WTNE as the two-week trek toward the JSFL championship begins


Dennis Green: "they are who we thought they were" indeed.


We said this a week ago, and we say it again today: The Band Aids, Packers, WTNE and Spread Beaters are the playoff teams for the 2023 season. Sure, Vern Ahrendes got to pretend his team had a chance through a chunk of last weekend, despite the fact that the skies grew darker and darker by the hour. Let's pretend the storm isn't approaching, Toto!


That doesn't mean what happened the last weekend of the regular season was completely meaningless, however. There were some significant surprises. Take Matt Pringle's Beaters, for example. A team that was invincible the month prior looked extremely beatable as they couldn't even manage 50 points against the Rangers. Was this just a result of Matt trying desperately not to win his division and have a shot at avoiding a first-round matchup against Jeff Lambert and the Packers? Hmmm. It worked, sort of. He dodged a matchup with the Pack and instead faces the team that scored 136 last week.


The Saddles threw their game in the bag, but it didn't affect any playoff positioning. The Tirades lost for the 10th consecutive week and sewed up the first pick in the 2024 draft; the Gerbils went off and scored in triple-digits for the first time this season and broke the Recliners in the process.


Oh, and the Invalids beat the in-the-bag Saddles. Ho-hum.


WTNE 136, Packers 103: On any other weekend, Jeff might have won this one. Jordan Garcia took control when Christian McCaffrey went off for 36 points against Arizona. WR Jaylen Waddle scored 20, RB Raachad White added 19 and TE David Njoku 16. Free-agent pickup Matt Stafford only got 18, but it was more than enough. The Packers that came over in the Tirades deal were not the problem here -- Deebo, Kupp and LaPorta scored 57 points -- it was the 9 total points from RBs Travis Etienne Jr. and Zeke Elliott that did not help.


Gerbils 101, Recliners 42: QB Jared Goff scored 31 points and WRs Tee Higgins, Amari Cooper and Jakobi Meyers combined for 47 more as the Gerbils notched their third win of the 2023 season. The minus-9 posted by the Chargers defense did not help Chris Zimnoch's chances in this one.


Invalids 89, Saddles 61: Jahmyr Gibbs had his best game of the season, scoring 22 points, and QB Lamar Jackson had 17 as the Invalids closed out the season with a win and finished in a three-way tie for the final two playoff spots, but Vern was 57 points behind the Packers and 69 behind the Beaters so got left out in the cold. Davante Adams accidentally scored 16 points for the Saddles, who had two players post donuts and got a minus-1 from the Jets defense.


Band Aids 88, Tirades 60: QB Jalen Hurts led Bob Garcia's team to victory with 21 points as the Band Aids finished the regular season with the league's best record (12-3). RB Raheem Mostert had 16 and WR Amon-Ra St. Brown 17 for the Band Aids. WR Terry "Look, Ma! I'm Scorin!" McLaurin accidentally led the Tirades with 20.


Rangers 58, Beaters 47: When your keeper and first-round draft pick don't score a single point, you're probably in trouble, and that was the case for Pringle in this one. RB Derrick Henry and WR Tyreek Hill (who injured an ankle but returned to play) both had zeroes for the Beaters. Underachieving QB Pat Mahomes had his usual sub-par 16 to lead the Rangers, who survived despite a minus-1 from the Steelers alleged defense. Not to be outdone, Pringle's defense (Denver) posted a minus-5.


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