With three weeks to go, Beaters and Invaiders continue to hold top two W-L records in the league; fourth playoff spot still up for grabs
The Dallas defense picked off Saints QB Taysom Hill four times Thursday, scoring 17 points.
The Cowboys-Saints game on Thursday night wasn't pretty, didn't offer that much offense but did give the Recliners an early lead over the Pillows (21-20) thanks to a 17-point showing by the Dallas defense. That won't change the outcome in that game, however, as the Recliners will be reclining (with the massagers on) all the way to a lopsided victory. In other action, the Tirades picked up free agent Cowboys RB Tony Pollard on Tuesday but left his 13 points on the bench, gambling that Lions RB Jamaal Williams would do better against the Vikings.
The Tirades, who will be without injured RB Dalvin Cook for at least two weeks, tried to handcuff that problem by trying to grab both Alexander Mattison and Pollard in a double-dip pickup at the free agent signing deadline on Tuesday at 10 a.m. PST, pushing the button on Mattison first. Instead, the Pollard transaction went through first and that allowed Matt Pringle to jump on Mattison. Pringle's Spread Beaters , so he is starting the Vikings sub against the Band Aids. That game is still 0-0 going into Sunday's play, as is the Invaiders-Rangers clash. The Gerbils, thanks to a 4-point effort from WR Amari Cooper, hold an early lead over the Tirades and the Saddles (11 from CeeDee Lamb) have an early advantage over the Packers, who got 4 from TE Dalton Schultz.
The only non-blowout game this weekend should be the Invaiders-Rangers matchup. The Rangers are still only a game out of a possible playoff spot, and several teams also tied at 5-7 don't have as good a matchup as John Lambert does this week so should fall by the wayside. The Invaiders took to keep their hopes of a Silent Division title alive and will try to keep pace with the Beaters, who are also 10-2.
The trade deadline is today, and there's been radio silence on that front. Rumors swirled that the Tirades were fishing around for a RB, but the Recliners were not biting and a possible deal for Josh Jacobs fell through Thursday when the Band Aids RB was reported to have yet another injury. Anyone else hear of anything cooking, post a comment below. Here's a look at this weekend's games...
Invaiders (-1) vs Rangers: The Rangers, who had a three-game win streak snapped last week by the Beaters, look to bounce back against the league's other top team. The Invaiders survived a month without QB Kyler Murray, winning three of four (granted, two of the three wins were over the hapless Tirades, who could not hit water if they fell out of a boat). Now that Murray is back, watch out. Leonard Fournette has come off the bench and will start (thanks to a career-high 39-point game left on the bench last week) and is going against the Falcons on Sunday, one of the league's worst run defenses. He also has Tirades-killer Austin Ekeler at RB and Cooper fucking Kupp at WR (we're lowercasing the f-bomb since Kupp has "only" averaged about 11 points the last three games). The Rangers are hoping to win through the air: They need big games from QB Justin Herbert, WRs Justin Jefferson and Tyreek Hill and TE George Kittle. And they could use a small miracle: Anything positive from RBs Miles Sanders and Melvin "Wish it Was Still 2016" Gordon. Invaiders by 16.
Saddles (-24) vs Packers: This could be the make-it-or-break-it week for several teams, and the Packers are one of them. Too bad they have to take on the ST division-leading Blazing Saddles, who are coming in hot (and pissed) after their worst scoring effort of the season. They are predicted to top the century mark this week thanks to former Packers RB Jonathan Taylor and QB Jalen Hurts. The Saddles also improved at their one "weak" spot, TE, by trading for the Recliners' Travis Kelce. It wasn't really that weak, either: Blayze had Kyle Pitts at TE, but he suffers from SIQBS (Shitty, Inconsistent Quarterback Syndrome) thanks to Atlanta's Matt Ryan. The Pack need a win to keep a game back of the hapless Tirades, who somehow are currently holding down the fourth and final playoff spot (and who are playing the even-more-hapless Gerbils this week, see below). Jeff Lambert is without his most explosive scorer, WR Deebo Samuel, who is out for at least two weeks. He does have now-healthy Clyde Edwards-Helaire at RB alongside suddenly productive Miles Gaskin, so who knows? If his QB Josh Allen goes off, and he gets production from WRs Chris Godwin and Mike Williams... maybe they pull off the second huge upset over the Saddles in consecutive weeks. As much as I'd like that to happen, Saddles by 20.
Beaters (-18) vs Band Aids: Here's another team facing a must-win game against a division leader. The Beaters, who share the Silent Division lead with the Invaiders, have not lost in almost two months and have a seven-game win streak. The Beaters look to have solved their one-week problem at RB: they were able to get Mattison on Tuesday to fill in for Nick Chubb on his bye week and have the boom-or-bust Corderelle Patterson as his partner in the backfield. Patterson had 24 last week against Jacksonville but goes against the No. 1 rushing defense in the NFL this weekend. He also has another tough match-up: WR Stefon Diggs goes against New England. His other wide-out has it easier: Mike Evans goes against the Falcons sieve-like secondary. The Band Aids need a miracle, and that could come from the Raiiiiiders in QB Derek Carr and RB Josh "I Might Have Hurt my Ankle" Jacobs. Bob Garcia's other weapons are not as threatening: RB Damien Harris and WRs Van Jefferson and Hunter Renfrow. Maybe if Bob looked outside the Southwest for players, he'd be more successful. Beaters by 25.
Recliners (-32) vs Pillows: The long slog that has been the follow-up to Matt Huey's championship season is almost over, and thankfully so. The Consortium, who started the season with Baker Mayfield at QB, are now down to the New Orleans guy who sometimes plays WR and RB and who threw four picks against the Cowboys last night (granted, he managed to score 20 despite the picks). But you know the Constortium is worried about other things now (maybe Christmas card lists? Putting up the lights on the house? Setting up the inflatable snowman on the lawn?) because they still have injured D'Andre Swift in the lineup and have Mike Davis at RB and he's never seen the light of day and there are guys with a stronger (yet still weak) pulse in the free agent pool. The Recliners have a slim 21-20 lead after Thursday's play thanks to the 17-spot the Dallas defense put up and four more from the obviously injured but still playing Ezekiel Elliott. The Recliners will win this, and win big, but have already decided they are out of it or they would not have traded Kelce to the Saddles. We're only wondering why he didn't go all in on the fire sale. Recliners by 40.
Tirades (-21) vs Gerbils: Another owner who's looking forward to 2022 is Chuck Nelson, who has been without his protected star RB Christian McCaffrey for most of the season. Not many teams can overcome the loss of a keeper player and this has been no exception. He got 4 from WR Amari Cooper last night, so will hold a lead until play begins Sunday, but it is likely all downhill from there after the early games kick off. The Tirades are wondering which Patrick Mahomes shows up this week: the guy who scores 8 points and throws a couple picks, or the one who scores 28? Mahomes faces Denver, so we'll see... and if Mahomes turns things around and if DK Metcalf starts getting 10 targets a game again and if injured RB Cook returns in two weeks, this team could be formidable in the playoffs. If not, they'll be watching from the sidelines again, just like 2018. And 2019. And 2020. Tirades by 10.
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