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Writer's pictureRon Hender

Happy fucking New Year, Bob! Break out the golf clubs

Because you'll be watching from the sidelines like the rest of us after you get your ass whupped this weekend. Welcome to the playoffs!

Band Aids WR Brandin Cooks, who scored 22 in his one and only start of the season last week, is one of many on the Covid-19 list this week.


Thanks Covid-19. You fucked up the 2020 fantasy season, and now you're fucking up fantasy 2021. Just when the four playoff teams don't need more to deal with, they get screwed by the pandemic. The league's best team this season (God, I hate to even write these words), the Invaiders, might be starting Justin Jackson (who?) and some other waiver-wire dipshit at running back against Bob Garcia's Band Aids. Bob's hero from Tuesday night, WR Brandin Cooks -- the trash-heap pickup who basically got him into the playoffs -- he's out. Bye bye, Brandin, we hardly knew ye. Also out is WR Tyler Lockett. So Bob's going to have to start Hunter Renfroe and Van Jefferson at WR. Yikes.


In the other game, Matt Pringle got a Christmas gift of his own when Vikings RB Dalvin Cook was put on the Covid list, since that gave him the freedom to re-sign Cook's backup, Alexander Mattison, who will start opposite Nick Chubb. He's hoping both guys do better than their offense lines allowed last weekend. Pringle's opponent, Blayze Hanson, has lost his big scoring tight end, Travis Kelce, another Covid casualty.


A Silent Division sweep appears to be in the offing. Or the effing. Here's a look at the playoff semifinals for the 2021 season.


Invaiders (-22) vs Band Aids: Sorry, Bob, but the carousel you've been on has got to stop sometime, and it's sometime right now. Vern could lose 75% of his starting lineup and Cooper Fucking Kupp will beat you on his own. As it is, Vern will be relying on his passing game and QB Kyler Murray to advance. Bob's hoping for a miracle and that will require huge games from Aaron Rodgers and Alvin Kamara. Invaiders by 30.


Beaters (-4) vs Saddles: This one is not so clear-cut. The RB edge should be with the Saddles, especially after what we saw from Minnesota and Cleveland flailing in the running game about last week. Sorry, Matt, but it is what it is. The Beaters also have a question mark at QB, since it may or may not be Lamar Jackson. WR Mike Evans may not play. But the Saddles have, at least at this moment, RB Jonathan Taylor on the bench, and Ronald Jones starting in his place. WTF? Blayze? C'mon. Don't do it. Don't just give this away. Make Matt earn it at least. if Taylor starts, Saddles by 6. If he doesn't, Beaters by 4.



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