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Give thanks, and blame Bill James

Updated: Nov 30, 2023

As we gather with friends and family this week to give thanks for all of the blessings we have in our lives, it is also time to reflect on what the $#*% got me into this mess 37 years ago. I simply blame Bill James.

A Sports page from the Roseville Press-Tribune from Aug. 27, 1970 features a column by Bill James, the guy who hired Vern and the clown who is the reason Ron left the paper in 1986.


Not the well-known, sabermetrics guru, Bill James, but the managing editor Bill James who hired me in December 1984 to fill a news writer spot on the Roseville Press-Tribune. It was the Tribune that later hired Ron Hender, the league was off and running with four employees of the newspaper, and the rest is history. The funny thing was that Bill James was better known as the late-night lounge lizard who sang a rousing rendition of Kenny Rogers’ hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille,” to a packed crowd of divorcees every Saturday night. For all I know, he’s still there every Saturday night crooning away in a walker or wheelchair.


Breaking news!

Editor's Note: The Band Aids have been shopping for a tight end ever since they lost Mark Andrews to a season-ending leg injury. Today Bob Garcia succeeded, landing TE George Kittle (Go Niners!) from the last-place Gerbils, who received TE Tyler Higbee and the Band Aids 6th-round pick in the 2024 draft in return. Bob has now tied the 2022 Tirades for most draft picks traded in one season trying to win a title (3) and the Tirades know how that went last year ... If Kittle goes down in the third play from scrimmage tomorrow night, like Cooper Kupp did last season after he was traded, I'm going to be pissed.


Three more barnburners on tap in Week 12

The schedule is chock full of barnburners in both divisions this week as wanna-be playoff contenders meet head on to inch closer to one of the four Golden Tickets. Topping the list is the Packers and Band Aids in the Shit-Talkers Division, and then the Invaiders vs. WTNE matchup and the Spread Beaters vs. Rangers over in the Silent Division. Winners this week take a big step forward to locking up some postseason fun.


Band Aids ‘unofficially’ clinch playoff spot

With the comeback win Monday night over the Blazing Saddles, the 9-2 Band Aids “unofficially” clinched the first playoff spot in the 2023 season. With four games left in the regular season, it would take a meltdown of biblical proportions for Bob to screw this one up. He has a 4-game lead on the two outliers (the Rangers and Spread Beaters at 6-5; and those two teams play each other twice in the final four weeks to guarantee one team at least one more loss, and maybe two more) and he has a big scoring lead over every other challenger, except for Jeff Lambert’s Pack. He still has some work to do to clinch the division and faces his last tough challenge this week against the Pack. No one else has earned that honor, but one more (the Blazing Saddles or Pack) could punch their postseason ticket with a win this week and help with losses by the four teams still in the mix.


Of the six teams still chasing the Band Aids, the Pack, at 7-4, has the easiest road to the playoffs. ESPN gives Jeff a 63-percent chance of not screwing it up as he closes with the Saddles, Tirades and WTNE.


Three more teams – WTNE, the Saddles and Invaiders – sit at 7-4 and all are given a 60-percent chance of moving on, meaning at least one of those will not make it. The Invaiders and WTNE face off this week. WTNE then closes with the Recliners, Saddles and the Pack. The Invaiders then take on the Rangers, Spread Beaters and the Saddles. The Saddles, after beating the Tirades this week (spoiler alert), then close with the Pack, WTNE and the Invaiders.


The last two still mathematically in the mix are the Spread Beaters and the Rangers, both at 6-5. Matt is given a 37 percent chance to stay alive and advance to the postseason, and the Rangers now have a 30-percent chance. The Rangers and Beaters will see a lot of each other in the closing weeks. They play this week in a winner-still-stays-alive scenario, and then close out Week 15 head-to-head again. In between, the Rangers draw the Invaiders and the Recliners. Matt still has the Band Aids and Invaiders on his schedule.


Holiday schedule kicks in

Three games are on tap Thursday and a fourth will kick off on Friday. The Packers and Lions will start the Thanksgiving Day festivities with a 9:30 a.m. start PST from Detroit. The Commanders visit the Cowboys with kickoff at 1:30 p.m. Thursday, and the holiday concludes with the biggest game of the slate when the 49ers visit Seattle for a 5:20 p.m. start. Go 9ers! The weird schedule continues Friday when the Dolphins visit the New York Jets with kickoff at noon.


Game(s) of the Week

Packers vs. Band Aids, Pack favored by 4: You would think the current top-seeded Band Aids would get a little more love from ESPN and The Swami. Yeah right. Not in this league. Jeff comes into this one on a 2-game winning streak, and Bob has won the last three straight.

The scoring advantages, at first glance, all lean Jeff’s way. He gets the nod at QB (Josh Allen at Philly, while Bob’s Pat Mahomes travels to Las Vegas). Bob gets the nod at RB1 (Bijan Robinson) and WR1 (Amon-Ra St. Brown), but Jeff gets the edge at RB2 (Javonte Williams, WR2 (Mike Evans), tight end (Jake Ferguson) and defense (49ers, go Niners!). The Pack won the first meeting between these two by nearly 60 points in Week 5. Someone’s winning streak is coming to end this week, and, you know the mantra …. Never bet against the Pack. Take the Pack and 1.


Invaiders vs. WTNE, Invaiders favored by 11: The hottest team in the league, the Invaiders, comes into this one on a 5-game heater Jordan gets the scoring edge at RB1 (Christian McCaffrey, of course, go Niners!) and tight end (David Njoku). Every other positional edge falls the Invaiders’ way. The Invaiders won the first meeting between these two in Week 4 by 11. It is fun to pick yourself to win again, and I will do it. Take the Invaiders and 5


Spread Beaters vs. Rangers, Beaters favored by 13: This really is do-or-die time for these two teams. A loss now just about seals up any chance for the playoffs. And, like last week, the Rangers continue to hope the Minnesota Vikings are desperate enough to roll out WR Justin Jefferson before the Vikings go on bye in Week 12. If Jefferson is a “no-go,” this one likely will go the Beaters’ way in a romp, and then John will have to shop Jefferson before the December 1 trade deadline. Matt also will need to move Derrick Henry. The Rangers only have one advantage in this one, Jalen Hurts at home to Buffalo. Everything else leans Matt’s way. The Rangers won the first meeting in Week 7 by 8. I don’t think they win this one. Take the Beaters and 4


Best of the Rest

Recliners vs. Gerbils, Gerbils favored by 6: The Gerbils and Recliners are in the “wait until next year mode” and have been there for several weeks now. The heavily favored Gerbils currently sit on the first pick in 2024 unless they go and blow it and let “Tanking” Hender steal it from them in the final weeks. You are better than that Chuck. Lose. Lose. Lose.

This one pencils out as the lowest-scoring game on the board. We sense the 2-win Tirades pull into a tie for last with a Gerbils win. And the 3-win Recliners sit in the Easy Boy and wait for everyone to pull even. Take the Gerbils and 10.


Dog of the Week

Blazing Saddles vs. Tirades, Saddles favored by 24: All I can say is, “Woof.” This one has all the makings of a blowout. The only thing that makes this one interesting is that Blayze still has postseason hopes, and he is still stuck with Jonathan Taylor with the trade deadline looming. Take the Saddles and 15.

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