Ah, thank the football gods, we are about to kick off the 2022 season and finally put this past 12 months of hell behind us.
Derrick Henry, shown here plowing over one of the best defensive backs in the game. Remember him? Matt Pringle definitely remembers. His pre-draft trade for Henry with 2020 champ Matt Huey could pay off big time this season. Henry and the Beaters face the Gerbils.
Soon, life will once again be back in its greased grooves … The Invaiders and Pillow Biters will be sprinting to the basement in the standings and announcing another “fall fire sale,” one Lambert brother will once again own the other, the Spreadbeaters and the Recliners will once again own the Silent Division.
Meanwhile, a whole new form of hell could be brewing over in the Blowhard Bracket… The Gerbils sneakily had one hell of a draft (I tried to warn you morons not to give Chuck any of my castoffs from last year, but, no, no one wanted to hear it).
Ya’ll might be singing a different tune when we once again gather along the paddock of Del Mar next August.
Looking towards the Thursday night spectacular at Sofi Stadium between the World Champion Rams and the maybe 2023 champion Buffalo Bills, the JSFL looks to have two wild barn burners on tap to start this season off with a bang, and what is shaping up to be three blowouts and, maybe, a clean sweep by the Blowhard Brothers.
Game of the Week
Tirades vs. Recliners (even): No matchup this week is dead even by the bookies other than this one. Stars galore dot both lineups. Lamar Jackson (Recliners) vs. Patrick Mahomes; Joe Mixon and Saquon Barkley (Recliners) vs. Dalvin Cook and Javonte Williams; and Tyreek Hill and Tee Higgins (Recliners) vs. Stefon Diggs. A prediction? Someone will win. We just don't know which one. Toss-up.
The Rest of the Best
Invaiders (-1) vs. Band Aids: Forget the betting line on this one. Bob Garcia has owned me for 20 straight seasons. You can count on three things – death, taxes and an Invaider loss to the Garcia in the opener. Ever since we went to this ESPN schedule in the early 2000s, this one has been one of the featured embarassments for Vern. Who can forget Garcia shedding a 40-point deficit behind the Monday Night miracle by 49ers RB Carlos Hyde? Vern sure can’t. Bet the house, the Tesla, the horse, anything you got on Garcia pulling this one out. He always has. Band Aids by 6.
Blazing Saddles (-5) vs. Pillow Biters: Drafting by phone is always brutal, but thanks to FaceTime, Huey did a pretty good job, with help from Pringle. He, however, would need a few more early picks to overcome the horses that Blayze has line up in his stable. Jonathan Taylor, Aaron Jones, Mike Evans and Brandon Cooks join forces on the evil empire with Justin Herbert for a starting lineup that likely will be favored all year long. Saddles by 8.
Spread Beaters (-5) vs. Gerbils: Speaking of Matt Pringle, I hate the guy. I really, really do. And, he is poised to do it again. How did we let this happen? Fleecing Derrick Henry from Huey for a box of Cheerios and a few sleeves of Titleists prior to the draft was step one. Adding D’Andre Swift with his first pick and stacking A.J. Brown and Jalen Hurts in Philadelphia were steps two and three. Butthead. Chuck counters, however, with a seemingly healthy Christian McCaffrey and my “ride-or-die” Austin Ekeler. His receiving corps seems like it needs a spark or two but this one could be closer than either one cares for. Beaters by 2.
Packers (-18) vs. Rangers: Did John set his lineup? Yeah, he did, and it may not matter. Jeff looks to hold the advantage at nearly every position in this one. He starts the party Thursday night with Josh Allen against John’s starting QB Matthew Stafford. If the Rangers can stay within 5 points Thursday, he might have a fighting chance. But, don’t count on it. While juggling Huey on the phone, the Pack landed James Conner and teams Deeboo Samuel with Ja’Marr Chase for a potent big four starters. John will counter with Justin Jefferson and Davante Adams and a lot of hopes and prayers. Pack by 14.
So, gents, let’s get ready to rumble.
Comments