Close win over Invaiders puts Pringle in driver's seat; WTNE's blowout win over Saddles all but locks up the other playoff positions
Beaters WR Tyreek Hill suffers ankle injury vs. Titans on Monday.
In 2021 it was Cooper "Fucking" Cupp. In 2023 it's "those fucking kickers," at least as far as Vern Ahrendes is concerned.
Dallas kicker Brandon "Fucking" Aubrey had four field goals Sunday night, three off them longer than 50 yards (including a 59-yarder and a 60-yarder, which is and NFL record) en route to 22 points to lead the Spread Beaters to a thrilling win over the division-rival Invaiders, all but sewing up the playoff positions.
Matt Pringle's defending champion Beaters now sit in a two-way tie (with WTNE) for the Silent Division lead, but have a 100-point scoiring advantage in the tie-breaker, so they have all but won the division title going into the last weekend of regular-season play. The Beaters take on the Rangers this weekend, a team that has not won since Week 9, while WTNE faces the Packers, who have won 4 of their last 5 and 8 of their last 10.
The Invaiders and Saddles, both on the outside looking in after losses last week, play each other to end the regular season, so at least one of them will be eliminated no matter what.
Bob Garcia's Band Aids clinched the Shit Talkers Division title with a win over the Gerbils, and the Tirades moved a step closer to the top pick in the 2024 draft with a loss to the aforementioned Packers.
If things don't change over the final weekend of play, the Beaters will face the Packers and the Band Aids will face WTNE in the playoffs.
The was some bad news for the two probable playoff teams from the Silent Division, however. Beaters all-world WR Tyreek Hill sufferened an ankle injury in Monday night's loss to the Titans -- but who needs extra receivers, right Matt and Vern? -- and WTNE lost QB Justin Herbert for the season with a broken finger, and Jordan Garcia is now stuck with Colts backup Gardner Minshew as his starter. Hill did return in the second half after a text from his wife (which we heard was "Get back in there and make some more money!") but had just four catches for "only" 61 yards on the night, a far cry from the 110 yards he is averaging per game.
WTNE 106, SADDLES 72: Blayze Hanson's playoff hopes went up in smoke last weekend as Jordan rode DJ Moore's 20 points to a victory. WTNE also got 19 from RB Rachaad White and 14 from Christian McCaffrey. The Saddles got 17 from RB Joe Mixon and 18 from Dak Prescott but not much else.
BEATERS 101, INVAIDERS 98: QB Justin Fields came off the pine to score a game-high 23 points for Pringle and the aforementioned Aubrey had 22 more in the win. Aubrey went to Notre Dame but played soccer there, not football, and had never been a placekicker at any level of the sport before signing with the Cowboys as a free agent. Wow. Derrick Henry added 16 points in the Titans upset win at Miami. The Invaiders were led by QB Lamar Jackson's 31 points.
BAND AIDS 90, GERBILS 49: Garcia sewqed up the Shit Talkers title with the win, led by RB Raheem Mostert's 21 points and 14 more from RB Bijan Robinson. Austin Ekeler led the Gerbils with 15.
PACKERS 81, TIRADES 57: Former Trades WR Deebo Samuel led the Packers in scoring for the second straight week, this time with 26 points, as Jeff Lambert's team all but locked up the second playoff spot in the Shit Talkers Division. QB Josh Allen add 20 for the Pack. QB Brock Purdy led the Tirades with 20.
RANGERS 60, RECLINERS 60: Does anyone care about this tie? I don't. Next!
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