Spread Beaters stake a claim on a playoff spot with dominating win over Rangers; Invalids waste a prime opportunity against WTNE
Who will land Jonathan Taylor? All eyes are on the Saddles and Taylor this week, as the elite RB will become a free agent next season if not traded by the deadline on Thursday.
I know there are some of you out there that still think you have playoff aspirations. Well, some of you aspirated into your own airway last weekend (read: choked) and put yourself behind the eight ball as a result.
The Spread Beaters (7-5) hammered the Rangers and established themselves as the front-runner for the fourth and final playoff spot, thanks to a season total of 1216 points, the highest total of any team in the league. Defending champ Matt Pringle's team is tied for second with the Invalids (also 7-5) in the Silent Division, and are guaranteed a spot in the playoffs if they win out the final three games (they play the Band Aids, Invaiders and Rangers again to close out the regular season). The Invalids would likely lose a tie-breaker with the Beaters, though, as they have scored 95 fewer points going into the final trio of games. The Invaiders, unfortunately, do not get to play the Tirades again and finish with games against the Rangers, Beaters and Saddles.
The Beaters (given a 60% chance of a playoff appearance by ESPN) hammered the Invalids107-70 in Week 5 and are predicted to score another 107 points this weekend. The Invalids are given a 40% chance of a postseason berth. The Rangers, meanwhile, saw their playoff hopes dim significantly (to 7%) with the 40-point loss to the Beaters. Meanwhile, WTNE continues to lead the division at 8-4 thanks to a 99-87 win over the gagging Invalids. Jordan Garcia's team has a 79% chance of making the playoffs and they close against the Recliners, Saddles and Packers.
Over in the ST Division, it's status quo. The Band Aids lead the way with a 10-2 record after a relatively easy win over Jeff Lambert's Packers (7-5). The Pack decided to make a move to bolster their roster after the game, trading a 4th rounder to the Tirades for WRs Cooper "Fucking" Cupp and Deebo Samuel and TE Sam LaPorta after the Tirades dangled those three for the good part of a week. The Beaters and Invaiders weren't decidedly disinterested (we already have better receivers, they said): Except they don't, at least not down below the third starter. Pringle's got Tyreek Hill, AJ Brown and Chris Olave; but last I checked Kupp and Samuel are an improvement over his WR4, Courtland Sutton. And Vern's roster has CeeDee Lamb, former Tirades WR Stefon Diggs and Garrett Wilson, who'd be great if he only had a QB to get him the ball -- but he doesn't, and both Kupp (when Stafford is healthy) and Samuel do. And then he has Nico Collins, who scored a TD last week on the bench, but would you really rather have Collins than Samuel? Or Kupp when Stafford is at QB? be honest: No, you would not. But I digress.
The Band Aids are in and barring a complete meltdown over the final two weeks will be the league's top seed in the postseason. Blayze Hanson's Saddles have been very quiet in trade talks despite the fact that they stand to lose RB Jonathan Taylor to free agency if he's not moved by Nov. 30. The Saddles elected not to improve at WR (could have moved Taylor for Kupp and Samuel, for example) but Blayze says he won't have any 49ers or Rams on his team. That kind of attitude with help you lose in the finals, say the rest of us who don't care who a guy plays for (ask Jeff how many times he's won with a Raiders player on his roster).
Other pending free agents include Beaters RB Derrick Henry, who's had a mediocre season but showed signs of life on Sunday with two TDs, and Rangers WR Justin Jefferson. My money is that Jefferson somehow ends up on WTNE's roster since John has already given his "fuck you" to other offers he's received. Nick Chubb, who was also a pending free agent, was released earlier this season after a serious knee injury put him out for the year and was subsequently picked up by the Tirades.
The Tirades and Gerbils, meanwhile, are headed into this week's Toilet Bowl with the no. 1 draft pick on the line. The Gerbils (1-11) have a one-game lead over the Tirades (2-10) going into the matchup and are already 10-point favorites before the Tirades-Packers trade has become official. Also, the Gerbils have scored 19 more points that the Tirades this season, so could conceivably lose the tiebreaker if the teams end up with the same record. Since the Tirades have traded most of their offense away, don't count on them scoring 70-plus points again this season.
Here's a look back at the Week 12 results....
BEATERS 118, RANGERS 78: RBs paved the way for Pringle's win. Isiah Pacheco scored 20, Henry came back from the dead with 19 and the Denver defense, which allowed 70 points to the Dolphins six weeks ago, scored 16. John Lambert got 35 from Jalen Hurts late Sunday and 19 more from RB Josh Jacobs but it was too little, too late.
SADDLES 114, TIRADES 73: Exactly what we expected here. The Tirades, who packed up the tents in Week 6, have their eyes on 2024 while Blayze is focused on a playoff run with mediocre WRs that are not 49ers or Rams. QB Dak Prescott led the way with 32, Taylor, in what might be his last start in the Saddle, had 21 and so did the Dolphins defense. Rhamondre Stevenson led the Tirades with 15.
RECINERS 11, GERBILS 89: Yes, you read that correctly. The Recliners scored 111 points. I had to do a double-take as well. Chris Zimnoch got 32 from QB C.J. Stroud and a combined 32 from WRs Zay Flowers and Christian Watson. Chuck Nelson got 20 from QB Jared Goff.
BAND AIDS 110, PACKERS 91: Again it was like old times with RBs paving the way to victory as first-round draft pick Bijan Robinson scored 24 points and Raheem Mostert added 21 as the Band Aids remained atop the ST Division with the win and dealt the Pack a (possibly temporary) setback. Jeff got 39 from QB Josh Allen on Monday night and 19 more from WR Mike Evans.
WTNE 99, INVALIDS 87: Jordan dealt a blow to Vern Ahrendes' playoff hopes with the win, despite the Invailds' WR superiority. It was the second week in a row we've had a first-round-draft-pick worthy effort from WR Cavin Ridley, who scored 16 for WTNE. It was RB Christian McCaffrey, though, who led the way with 25 points for Jordan. Too bad Vern voted against the preseason trade that would have sent McCaffrey to the Tirades instead of being available in the draft for Jordan to pick up... He might have won this one.
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